Andy talks about roast beef

It all started with roast beef.

The juicy, hearty meat made by Minnesota-based Hormel Foods was something I had come to enjoy. The company’s Beef Roast au Jus, which I am assuming is French for "really tasty roast beef," weighed about a pound and took four agonizing minutes to prepare in a microwave — but was always well worth the wait.

Then one day the Beef Roast au Jus disappeared.

I searched every chain of stores in the Valley that carried meat products. Fine retailers such as Walmart, H-E-B and even Globe all had other Hormel meals — but not my beloved brand of roast beef. Dinner would never be the same.

So where’s the beef?

Upon checking Hormel’s Web site, I found that the company still offers Beef Roast au Jus, so it’s not as if the product has been discontinued. I have tried other brands of roast beef, but none can compete with Hormel’s version. Unfortunately, Beef Roast au Jus wouldn’t be the last favored food of mine to vanish from local shelves.

Weight Watchers Smart Ones has a line of low-calorie products (hey, I need to keep my girlish figure) that can be found most anywhere. Over the summer, the company introduced a line of pizza snacks (I can’t remember the actual product name) that were quite doughy and surprisingly delicious. Within weeks, they, too, were gone, just like the Beef Roast au Jus. I checked the Weight Watchers Web site and could not find the pizza. Therefore, I have determined that either major food suppliers have plotted some sort of conspiracy against picky eaters like me, or that the aforementioned products just weren’t selling enough to remain on local shelves.

I’m fairly certain it’s a conspiracy.

We all have certain brands of food that we enjoy, much to the delight of the companies that make them. My eyes light up every time I pass a Coca-Cola display in a store, and I would be very disappointed — no, irate — if the company quit making Diet Coke with Splenda, for example. Of course, food fads come and go. Flashes in the pan like Coke II in the ’80s, C2 (low-carb Coke) just a few years ago, Crystal Pepsi (the clear kind) in the ’90s (cue Van Halen’s "Right Now") or the green Heinz ketchup that came out in 2000 are just a few of many memorable failures. Sadly, my beloved Beef Roast au Jus, at least locally, and the doughy pizza thingies from Smart Ones appear to have gone the way of Bud Dry, McDonald’s pizza and Pepsi AM.

I have a mission for you, dear reader: If you happen to see Beef Roast au Jus at a local store, let me know where to find it. If nothing else, you’ll prove my conspiracy theory wrong.

Andy Comer is the slot editor and a columnist for The Monitor. Contact him at acomer@themonitor.com.